or something along those lines.
i have to admit, i've been in a bit of an emotional rut lately. i was diagnosed bipolar about a year and a half or two years ago, and have been a stubborn brat and trying to prove to the world that i can deal on my own. obviously i can't, or else i wouldn't have been diagnosed. [durrrrrr]

in any case....this past week or so has been unbearable for me [do not worry, i am going to get into contact with therapists this week to see who takes my medical coverage, and how much id have to pay for visit and the like] the anxiety, the wanting to not exist, the really really hyper inability to sleep, the constant paranoia....

it has been suppressed and bottled up for so long that it exploded all at once, and i cannot begin to express how overwhelming it is.

do not worry, i do have faith that i will eventually be ok.

unfortunately, aside from work [i do need the money], i am going to have to put my life on hold for the rest of the week so i can sort things out and do what is right for me. this involves making doctors appointments, catching up in school [or at least feeling caught up], cleaning my room, throwing a bunch of things out, and cleaning/organizing the car.

i know i wont get to everything on my list, but the most important is making doctors appointments and taking time for me, even if it is spent laying in bed like a blob all day.



i am much too stressed out to be at school. i can't do art things and try any projects. yes, this is a time where friends are fantastic, but i do need alone me time where i am not constantly thinking of making sure other people are having fun and are entertained.

i am canceling all plans until further notice...i just can't do anything right now. i need to sit at home and calm the fuck down. i will not be on the internet a whole lot, if at all, i tend to stress much to easily over things and i can't have more stuff on my mind.

i will return to you, world, but at a later date.




<3
drea